Aged

What is it about getting older that makes us hate ourselves. I say "us" because I am sure I am not alone on this one. Maybe it is because as I get older, I mature ever so slightly and when this happens I tend to blame people less for the things that are wrong with my life. When I was a teenager and in my early twenties I blamed everyone else for my short comings and my failures. As time has passed I think I just started to be honest with myself. It isn't everyone else who is throwing up road blocks, it is me. You know that saying " you are your own worst enemy" Well I think whoever said that was over twenty five. So here's to self actualization, may it produce results where pointing fingers failed to do so. Cheers.

Around 7 pm

Sitting there with a lump the size of a golf ball in my throat, I manage to choke out the first unrehearsed sentence. "I didn't write a speech like some people do for this, I do have a couple things I want to say though". My eyes already welling up with tears and my stomach in knots, I continued, "This past year and a half has been wonderful. The years we shared before together, I didn't always treat you right" the first tear rolls down my left cheek. "It wasn't anything you did to cause it, I was simply immature and not ready for a serious relationship" her bottom lip begins to quiver "I needed to grow up a lot in order to get here, and I have grown, and we have grown together too" The first tear slides down her right cheek "Over this past year and a half I have realized that I never want to be without you again" a sob breaks the sentence "will you marry me?". A long embrace seals our vow.

Um, Hmm...

I accidentally posted on my original blog that I have never used till now. Enjoy!
http://ballsdeepinmyblog.blogspot.com/

Why is Sunny D so delicous!?

It's so good! I haven't posted anything in awhile so I thought I would give all you G's an update. Ehhm, ehm, mmm, today I took my first guitar lesson. It was pretty cool; he showed me some basic stuff that I need to practice. I have always wanted to play guitar, I just never had enough self confidence to try. Not that I suddenly stumbled upon a treasure trove of hidden confidence I never knew I had, I just figured I would stop being a pussy and do it all ready. "That's how you become great man; you hang your balls out there". I feel I have some music in me that needs to come out. I have always enjoyed singing but never had any sort of talent to speak of. I just want to be proud of myself you know. I suppose that is also why I took up photography, I want to be good at something god damn it! It's like Josh Homme said "Life is short, do it all". Merissa and I had another opportunity to go and take some shots of models, my pictures came out ok. I put some on my Flickr page if you want to take a gander. My favorite model of the day, however, wasn’t even on the clock. Take a look-see above! She has that "What the hell do you think you're doing" look on her face =D

Manic Homey

The laugh track is doing to comedy what AIDS is doing to Africa, F'ing it up! Why do we need to be told when we should laugh? Are we that dense? Perhaps we need to be informed that something is funny because it isn't in fact that funny! I remember watching one of my favorite shows "Ali G" recently and they added a laugh track to the American version. That show is freaking hilarious and the laugh track actually made it less funny. Show's are much better without the annoying droil of scripted laughter in the back ground. Much like grocery stores would be infinitely more pleasant without the politically correct music the play to drown out the sounds of whining children "but mommy I want it!". Take movies for example, they don't have laugh tracks, yet people still know when to laugh, well usually. Merissa and I were watching "I Love you Man" (which was hysterical) and there was this funny part that I laughed at but no one else in the theater did, that actually made the moment more funny to me. I won this Scrabble game by the way =P

The things you own end up owning you.

Capitalism has lead us into in age of disconnection. We are the children of the information age descended from the children of the space age. As society begins to plug in we as individuals begin to unplug. We are lead to believe that we are more connected now by using devices for mass communication like "Myspace", "Texting", or the newest culprit "Twitter". We believe we are brought closer to our fellow man by technology, but we are actually separated. We are separated from personal social interaction. I am sure you have been out in public and seen people acting blatantly rude without any regard for others around them. That is because we are not used to being around people as much anymore. Technology is also destroying our imaginations and the imaginations of our children. Instead of learning how to use our voices to make music, we now watch others on American Idol do what we ourselves have the ability to do. Instead of learning how to play an instrument, we now play Guitar Hero and pretend to be talented. Instead of going outside or going to a gym to excercise, we play "Wii Fit" with the hope to get a half assed workout. One may ask themselves "what is the point of creating when everything has already been created for me". What is the point of dreaming when everything is already dreamed for you. Children are parked in front of televisions and computer screens wasting their minds and their youth. Adults are wasting away in front of the very same devices that have their children enslaved. We watch other people lived rehearsed lives with scripted laughs and prerecorded sadness. When will we wake up from our conscious slumber and smash are masters electronic cages and break our minds free. When will we look around and realize that the status is not quo. Of course, the irony of my rant is that I am ranting on one of the very devices that I am condemning, C'est la vie. Who wants to play Xbox?!

Beautiful form fitter

Where to begin. I realize that an individual acting out against society, or ones family, or education is not truly lost, I believe they are trying to be found. By acting out via say, I don't know, imbibing hard drugs, one is merely trying to find their way back to the flock. We are in fact pack animals and by separating ourselves we are actually taking the long road back to human contact. The drug addict does smack. The drug addict get's arrested. The drug addict is prosecuted. The drug addict is made to go to support groups to find other recovering drug addicts to interact with. The drug addict reaches their destination, back into the arms of a parental figure, first the police officer, then the judge, then the support group. The violent criminal. The violent criminal breaks the law by committing acts of violence. The violent criminal is arrested. The violent criminal is prosecuted. The violent criminal is incarcerated. The violent criminal reaches his destination, he finds his father figure in the arms of the police officer, the judge, and in the prison shower with a man he calls daddy.

The roaming beast knows not where he roams.

Do dogs have an agenda? Do they leave there respective shanties with a laundry list of activities to do? I observed a small K-9 waltz down the street today exuding such confidence that I suspected he had to be heading towards a scheduled rendezvous. I suspect that very morning the little fella woke from his slumber and thought to himself "Alrighty, I need to head down to Bruno's place and sniff his ass for about five to ten minutes, then I am going to old lady Johnson's domicile to relieve myself on her newely trimmed rose bushes. After that, I am going to crawl under Bobs fence and try to catch that whore of a cat till it climbs Bob's tree. I will bark at the kitty in the tree for twenty to thirty minutes until my throat feels raw and I become parched from the effort. At that time I will enter Bobs house through the kitties door and quench my thirst at his pearly white fountain". Probably not, I am sure wandering dogs have no particular destination, hence the wandering. Dogs are such spontaneous rebels! No wonder there are woman on the internet who let dogs have there way with them. Woman love spontaneity! So gentelmen, next time your girlfriend or wife calls you a dog, don't be quick to anger, she may just be giving you a compliment.

Brown bear brown bear what do you see?

One takes a long hard look at ones self and can see nothing but wreckage, but after a couple minutes of staring, one sees that ascendancy is always dwindling in arms reach. I suppose the sun does shine the brightest after the rain. The light illuminates the soaked wreckage and the brilliance of love warms the soul.

Captains log star date march 16th 2009

I broke my caffeine fast Saturday and it was glorious! It is amazing how much different I feel with caffeine in me. I was actually starting to get depressed without it =/ I suppose it is a drug and has side effects that accompany detoxification. The picture is from Saturday at my sisters dinner. I like how everyone is squeezed in there. Merissa and I had a nice time Saturday. I was able to visit with my uncle Ronnie whom I haven't seen in ten years. I wish he lived closer, I miss the guy. Today a girl at work asked me when I was graduating and I didn't know what to tell her. I just kind of gave her a blank stare and shrugged. That question bothered me for some reason, or perhaps it was just my lack of a response that was bothersome. I haven't been sleeping well these past few days. I have been waking up at night which is unusual for me, I usually sleep straight through till morning. I think it is my body trying to adjust to caffeine again. I have also been feeling anxious as of late. I have been stressed out about school and the poor state of the economy. My work has been very slow the past few months and it is starting to worry me. Normally I wouldn't care, but it would be hard to find another job right now. My integrated circuits are starting to feel run down and I am in need of repairs. Hopefully aid will arrive soon.

The Calming

Merissa took this picture and edited it, I just wanted to show it off =) Going on day four of my no caffeineathon, and all I can say is headaches blow gay balls! Who knew caffeine was such a hardcore drug! I wonder if this is how heroin addicts feel when they can't shoot up... I do feel much calmer without my drug of choice however, it is quite eery. Merissa and I's fourteen month anniversary is on Sunday! I made her something I have never made for anyone before, NO I WON'T TELL YOU WHAT IT IS! You will just have to wait and see =P But I hope you <.< >.>I mean she likes it. I do miss my coffee though. Iced tea is natures candy, that is a truth one would discover if one were to survey five hundred random strangers on corresponding saturday mornings, after Thunder Cats and fruit loops of course. As you can see I am getting tired and delirious, laters.

My first post up in's

IT HAS BEGUN! I am not sure what the purpose of this blog will be yet...maybe it won't have a purpose, maybe I will discover the purpose along the way. We shall see. I took this picture in little Tokyo today. The lollipop is looking at me, IT IS GAZING INTO MY SOUL! I have a splittering headache right now. I decided to lay off caffeine for awhile to see if it would alleviate some of my anxiety. I feel less anxious but my head hurts like a mother effer! I am also trying to stop swearing, hence the "mother effer". It isn't going very well, I keep slipping up. I am going to keep trying though because swearing makes one look immature and uneducated. Anywho, I was drinking a half a pot of coffee a day and several glasses of iced tea. I don't plan on doing this no caffiene thing forever but I do plan on drinking less caffeine in the future. Oh, and also my lovely Merissa received an acceptance letter to Loma Linda school of Dentistry today! I am so proud of her! Well, that's all for today. And I wanted to leave a message to my only reader, I MISS YOU SWEETIE!